So…It’s one and a half weeks until my extended hand in, and there’s no way I’ll get close to finishing my film. This is the first time on a project that I’ve had to accept that I’ve failed. I want to try and reflect on what I learned during the course of Reflections on Reality, and how I can set myself up for success in the thesis project.

1. First of all, plan for the worst: sickness, mental health, general off-days. A period of 2 weeks of physical sickness obviously threw off my project, but so did my inability to bounce back after the 2 weeks were over. Mentally I struggled to get back in the zone, I was disappointed my schedule had been thrown off, and at that point, I think I already knew it was impossibly to finish the work alongside my existing part time jobs and still have a life. This left me feeling very frustrated with the project, and with less of a desire to try, because it was essentially an impossible task for me with my capabilities in mind. I made the decision to continue having a life and looking after myself to avoid having a knock on mental and physical health effect into the new year and final project. That is essentially what happened with this one even from the very start, I was very burnt out from Abyss because I pushed myself too far on that project, and it leached into Octavia, as I think a lot of directors I spoke to also felt. It has been very difficult to come to terms with what that has meant for this project though, and I’m extremely frustrated that I won’t be finishing it as I was truly excited at the start.
2. Plan flexible projects: having a very specific set of shots and time frame I wanted to fill meant that there wasn’t really anything I could take away. For the thesis project I’d like to create a project that can be built upon and built upon, as apposed to one where the foundation itself is too much to achieve. Like building blocks that can be swapped out, added in and taken away, not a rigid, cemented house.
3. That leads on to this one: You always think you’ve given yourself less work than you have. Animation takes time and I’m definitely still adjusting to just how much time it takes. Compared to illustration it is a completely different world. I will be deciding on a project next term, then chopping whatever I’ve planned in half, and running with that. I thought that I had under-planned with Octavia, and I certainly didn’t, the backgrounds especially took up an exceptional amount of time.
4. One shot at a time: for this project I worked dipping in to each separate shot as I went, and working on them all at once. I think it would be more effective for me next year when it comes to receiving feedback and workload, to tackle a shot at a time from start to finish (excluding comp).
5. Remember what industry is like: When you have time off sick in a team of animators working on commercial projects like what I want to work on, there are other people to help, other people to pick up and continue on shots you can’t. It’s not just a project put on pause while you’re away like it is when you’re the only one working on a film. This makes your return to work less overwhelming. If it is a project where you’re returning and there’s no progress, I know for a fact that I work better with the motivation of a team and project behind me instead of just me. I think many people do.
6. Finally: forgive yourself when it goes wrong. It’s really hard to show work you’re not proud of to peers, tutors and friends. It’s a huge knock to ego and confidence when you realised you’ve failed a project, and it’s easy to get caught up in that anger, embarrassment and frustration. I’ve had to take time out from this project just to breathe, to realise the world isn’t going to end because I won’t finish this film. And maybe one day I’ll be ready to come back to it and finish it, but maybe I won’t and that’s ok. Whatever happens, it doesn’t make me a bad animator or a bad artist, this has just been a bad project. Failing is a normal part of arts practise, and I can’t believe I’ve got so far in my career without failing a project so far, but here I am now, learning those lessons.

I want to finish by talking about my conversation with Shelley Page. I wasn’t expecting her to be in, and was honestly very embarrassed to show such a half finished project, but she was a huge help, and with no ulterior motive towards the course, I felt that speaking to her was so useful for me.

She reassured me that focusing on specific shots (instead of entire films) for the kind of work I want to do is completely justified, and provided me with some resources for animation she thinks will inspire my project and is in the same feeling as my character driven work, including the early work of Russell Hall. A lot of things she mentioned about the hiring process resonated with me: that often they focus on specific pieces of really strong animation performance in a showreel, as apposed to entire films.

She encouraged me to take the thesis project as more of a showreel expansion and character performance exploration project, which I think will suit me better, and will reflect more accurately the kind of work I want to do in industry: shot by shot character based animation, clean up and colour.

I’ve learned a lot this project, most of it uncomfortable to sit with, but I’m glad for what I’ve learned, and am going to take the break to properly rest up, and ensure I enter the new project and year refreshed and ready to work hard (but work smart!) on the final project.